Best Way To Date Online
A lot of my single friends moan to me about how hard it is to date online. I can’t help but notice, though, that I hear very different complaints from men than from women (at least the straight ones—my gay friends are another matter).
With over 342,000 members, Reddit R4R is one of the most active free dating sites online. It’s a Reddit community, meaning members can drop by anonymously and leave private messages, or post their. According to the Pew Research Center, 15 percent of Americans recently reported using online dating sites to meet people, and online dating is gaining wider acceptance across most age ranges.
Men looking to meet women online often tell me they feel frustrated because women don’t write back to them. Women, on the other hand, tell me they get quantity rather than quality in terms of men writing to them. It doesn’t take a genius or The Love Queen to deduce that these two problems are related. As someone with a bit of insight into both sides’ concerns, here is my advice.
Scroll down for the dating advice for all you ladies!
How to date online – Advice for Men
Men: Look for similarities
Many men make the mistake of writing to a woman they’ve seen on an online dating site, solely on the basis of her photo and geographic proximity. But selecting the hottest babe in your zip code isn’t the best formula for getting you dates. I’m not suggesting you choose someone you don’t find attractive—instead, choose attractive women with whom you seem to have something in common.
What to write in your first message
You are almost guaranteed to fail if you write to a woman on a dating site telling her “You are gorgeous/sexy/hot.” Sorry to break it to you, but this kind of e-mail makes you seem generic and boring. Most reasonably attractive women with online dating profiles receive dozens of those kind of responses per week—in some cases, dozens per day. Your compliment won’t stand out from all the other responses in her inbox. She’ll be bored–not because she’s vain, but because you haven’t said anything to convince her the two of you belong together.
However, if you choose to write to women who share your interests, you gain many opportunities for intriguing opening lines. Set your search parameters to find a woman who enjoys the same authors, TV shows, movies or hobbies as you. Then write her with an intelligent observation—something along the lines of “I love author X’s books, too. Which one is your favorite?” Or if both of your profiles reveal a love of hiking, share a short anecdote about your favorite trail, then ask about her recent experiences in the great outdoors. If she writes in her profile that she is studying a foreign tongue you happen to speak, open your first email to her by saying in that language “How was your day?”
Sometimes it’s necessary to do a bit of tweaking your profile to make this work. If a gorgeous woman in your area writes in her profile that she loves science fiction, go back and amend your profile to include our favorite sci-fi books or movies. I definitely don’t advocate dishonesty here—if you hate sci-fi and her profile doesn’t reveal any other common ground with you, simply move on. You’re better off approaching another woman who does share your enthusiasm for surfing or Italian food or country music. Remember, there’s no such thing as an abstract “perfect woman.” But there is a woman who may be perfect for you (either long-term or short-term). The secret to finding that perfection is by emphasizing similar beliefs and interests.
How to Date online: Advice for Women
Women: Learn the art of weeding out
Women are often encouraged from childhood onward to be as likable as possible. We learn at our mothers’ knees to please others. This can actually work against us when placing an online profile. I tell all my single girlfriends who are looking for a man online and frustrated with wading through boringly similar (or offensively forward) responses: don’t be too likeable.
To find someone who clicks with you, someone who will like you for more than your cute smile and killer bod, talk about some of your personal quirks. A man who is naïve and immature enough to want the “ideal woman” is less likely to waste your time if you reveal in your profile one or two of the things that make you a specialized, rather than a mass-market, girlfriend. State up front, for instance, that you hate football. Or write about how much you dislike cooking. You don’t have to write a book about your little oddities and preferences—just a few succinct lines, couched in a humorous tone. The result will be fewer men writing you, but those responses you receive will be from men more likely to appreciate you for who you are, not someone seeking to project some adolescent dream girl image onto you.
Men and Women: Final Online Dating Advice
Be unique but don’t be weird! My friend tried talking to a guy online who within minutes was asking her really personal questions and things like ‘what do you miss most about not being in a relationship? for me its cuddles.’ This might sound really cute and it would be once you have created some intimacy but its not a good starter as it makes you seem intense and maybe a stalker!
Conversely a male friend of mine was asked to read a specific book and tell her his opinion of it. He googled it and read the synopsis and realised it was about a man who was always horrible to women but got his comeuppance in the end. So it was a not very hidden attempt to see if he is a good guy or not, but its way too obvious, and is actually a way to attract abusers unfortunately since they will spot you as someone vulnerable. A nice twist on this could just be to ask a guy to read a book you really like, but make sure you choose the book carefully as your taste will reveal a lot about you!
If you feel nervous when chatting online to potential dates, why not get a friend round to help you with what to say, another’s perspective can be great but choose the right friend for the job.
Read this if you want to know more about how to fill in the best online dating profile.
Dont forget to stay safe!
Kisses
The Love Queen!
Find a great date today on the best online dating site
There’s definitely no such thing as the ultimate love guide, but in today’s digital age where even dating is happening online, for the most part, you can definitely afford some tips to get the conversation going in a more interesting and fun manner. Plain openers such as “hi” and “hello” may push you right into the boring territory and that’s not what you want when trying to start an online dating conversation with a potential love of your life now, is it? There’s nothing wrong with spicing things up a little bit (or a lot) if you want to secure the first date in real life.
1. Tease Them About Sth from Their Profile
If you really fancy someone just from the look at their picture/profile, don’t hesitate to create some intrigue right from the very start of your conversation by using something from their profile to make some light-hearted fun.
For instance, you might tease them about taking their shirt off during a party and posting it on their dating profile or maybe poke some fun at their collection of action figures/shoes that they so proudly displayed online. Whatever it is, you will definitely get their attention if you start an online dating conversation in such a cheeky manner.
But remember – the key here is to tease light-heartedly, not be rude and disrespectful.
2. Start by Asking a Personal Question
It’s in human nature to enjoy talking about ourselves. If you’re looking for an almost foolproof way to get the conversation on the roll, it would be rather effective to open up with a personal question.
You can use their profile to come up with the best question or you can come up with one. Think something like “What’s your favorite childhood memory?”, “The thing you regret the most in life”, “The most embarrassing thing that happened to you in high school”, and so on.
3. Ask a Very Specific Question
To build upon the previous tip, you can choose to open up with a line that focuses on a rather specific subject in the recent past. That said, you might want to ask something like “What’s the best movie/book you watched/read in the last year?” When they answer, you can build a whole conversation around it, especially if you happen to share the same opinion as they do.
4. Go Straight to the Point
If you already know that this person finds you attractive because they hearted you, swiped right, or whatever, it might be very effective to get just a tad bit aggressive and jump straight to the point. In this case, typing something like “So, where should we get that drink?” right from the start might get you further than you’d think.
5. Use an Emoji Code to Ask Them Out
In case you don’t feel comfortable with the above-mentioned tip and don’t feel like straight out asking them out for a drink, you can do pretty much the same in a less intimidating way – emoji codes.
So, instead of typing actual words, use a line of emojis such as “pointing finger + martini glass + ?”. This is cute and fun, but also forward enough to turn your online dating conversation into an actual real-life date.
6. Act as If You Know Each Other
Now, this doesn’t mean that you should pretend that you’ve met before. It’s actually all about the freedom that online dating conversation gives you to be silly.
For instance, starting your convo something like “Hey [Their Name]! Where have you been?!” is a great way to break the ice instantly and have them check out your profile and dwell on your message for longer, often resulting in a steady flow of replies.
7. Sometimes, Being Cheesy Works
We have all been making fun of the cheesy dating lines for so long that no one uses those anymore. But the thing is, even though they’re cheesy, sometimes they work. And with nobody else going the cheesy route, you may as well get their attention quickly.
You can use some of the cheesy pickup lines from the movies or start with your own “How come that someone as hot as you is on here?”.
8. Confuse Them
Confusion is a great tactic if you want to get your online dating conversation started. Choose a truly random emoji, it can be anything really, nail painting, lipstick, unicorn, cactus, etc. to send to them and then simply wait.
They might start the conversation around it all on their own or you can play up the mystery even more if they don’t seem to take the bait instantly. For instance, if they don’t reply at all, send them a simple “No?”. When they answer “What?” or something along those lines, explain that they failed the test you’ve sent them and now have to go out with you for a drink to make up for it.
9. Play a Game
Some games can be played via an online chat easily and are perfect for introducing a romantic vibe into your conversation. That said, you can start with “Never Have I Ever”, “Would You Rather”, “Truth or Dare”, “Fuck Marry Kill” and see where the play takes you.
10. Turn to Role Play
Best Place To Find A Date Online
If you happen to see information on their profile that allows you to start a conversation with some fun role-playing, don’t hesitate to snatch that opportunity. Let’s say that they shared their obsession with the Doctor Who TV show. An opening line such as “Hop into the TARDIS companion and choose where to next in the whole of time and space!” would definitely get their attention.
Best Place To Meet Online Date
There’s no need to be too serious in the world of online dating. And when you’re looking to level up your acquaintanceship, everything has a better chance of success than the boring “Sup?”.